Usually our blogs are written for parents but recently we had someone search our website with the question, "how do I tell my parent about my emotional battery?" If you're wondering how to start a conversation with your parents here are a few ideas to get you started.
Struggling with your mental health can be isolating. If you are, you are not alone. One in four people struggle with their mental health. That's right - there are other people who are struggling who are walking the same halls as you, in the same classes as you, and maybe even in your own house. Sadly, mental health has been something that not a lot of people talk about, and this makes people feel even more isolated.
If you are struggling - you are taking the right first step. Acknowledging that you need help to feel like your best self is something that takes so much strength. By doing the research about how to work through some of the challenges you are dealing with you are already on the path you need to be on.
Mental Health Challenges are Often Generational
If you are under 18, you may want to tell a trusted adult about the challenges you are dealing with. Ideally this would be your parents. Many mental health challenges are genetic and there is a chance they may relate to the struggle you are having, even if they have never mentioned it.
By speaking up you are showing the other people in your family that it is okay, and you are making your family healthier for generations to come.
If you don't want to talk to your parents - talk to an adult you trust
Your parents love you and want what's best for you but if you are not comfortable going to them about your mental health - don't let it stop you from speaking up at all. You could talk to your school's guidance counselor, nurse, a coach you trust, a teacher you have a bond with, or an aunt or uncle. Pick an adult who is in your corner and has your best interest in mind.
Let them know what's been going on and how it has been impacting your daily life. You will feel so much better after you let it out. Then this trusted adult can help you figure out what your next step is to get the support you need.
Remember, once you turn 14 you are able to provide consent for your own mental health treatment (that doesn't mean you can refuse treatment if your parents would like you to see someone though.). Learn more about PA's Mental Health Consent Law, Act 65 of 2020.
If you don't know what to say - that is okay!
Maybe you're not exactly sure how to describe what you're feeling. That too is very common and should not stop you from speaking up. You don't need to have all the right words, you don't need to know "what’s wrong" for something to not be okay.
Don't let the fear of not explaining yourself "correctly" stop you from saying something. Whatever words you use to describe how you feel will be just fine. Something as simple as saying, "I'm really sad and I don't know why." or "All of a sudden I can't stop worrying about something happening to you and who would take care of me. It keeps me up at night." or "I couldn't get to sleep last night because I keep replaying all the conversations I had at school to make sure I didn't say anything stupid." Someone who cares about you cares about how you're feeling and what's bothering you and will want to help.
How do I start the conversation
It can be tricky to know exactly when to bring something like your mental health up to someone. You want to make sure that you are in a space that makes you feel comfortable, and you have the privacy to express how you're feeling.
Pick a time that's distraction free for both you and the person you're going to talk to. Don't bring it up to your mom with your younger siblings in the other room screaming for her attention. Try and avoid chatting with your uncle at a busy family party. You deserve to feel heard and respected and it's best for you to have their undivided attention during this conversation.
While that is the best way for you to get the most out of your talk, it can also be intimidating. Our favorite tip for sharing something that can be difficult with your parent is to bring it up in the car!
When the two of you (or you and both your parents) are alone in the car you may feel less awkward. It can be scary to share something as someone is looking at you in the eyes and this can help ease some of your anxiety.
Let someone else do the talking for you
If you're unsure of how to start the conversation try sharing an Instagram post, a resource, or a video with your parent. It can be a great way of both telling them you're struggling and letting them know what can work for you. For instance sharing the Emotional Safety Plan tip sheet that you create can be a way to let them know when you put your headphones on and close your door as soon as you walk in the door from school you're following your plan to decompress and reduce your stress. If you send them the Social Battery tip sheet before school, you can bring it up when they pick you up after school and talk about that family birthday party this weekend and brainstorm ideas to manage.
It might feel awkward but don't ignore it
We know that it can feel so uncomfortable, and maybe even embarrassing to ask for help but we encourage you to push past that. You will feel so much better, and lighter if you open up to someone you trust, someone who can help you.
Speaking up can be really hard for someone who struggles with anxiety. The idea of talking to someone about your anxiety probably makes you pretty anxious. If you are feeling this way - you are far from alone.
Your feelings are valid but as someone who struggles with anxiety myself I have found great comfort in the quote; "The only thing worse than uncertainty is certain misery." Do not allow your anxiety or other challenges to keep you in this loop. Don't give it that power. You will feel so much better when you get those thoughts out of your head, and share them with an adult you trust.
You are so strong, you are supported, and by speaking up you are doing the right thing. We are so proud of you, and most importantly, future you will be so grateful you did.
At the end of the day, when we're talking about your mental wellness there are a ton of places available to help whenever you need them. It's really ok to reach out to all of them to ask questions. They want people to know their resources aren't just available to those who are considering ending their life. They can provide you with resources if you just have questions or need to talk! Dial 988 (anywhere in the country!) Crisis text line - Text HOME to 741741, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255, Trans Lifeline 1-877-565-8860, Trevor Lifeline 1-866-488-7386.
If you do tell your parents and they aren't sure what to do next encourage them to reach out to one of our Family Support Partners (FSPs). Our FREE service will help them understand the best next step to take to help you thrive. They can call us at 570-664-8615 or learn more here.