Exploring Agoraphobia
- PA Parent and Family Alliance
- Apr 25, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 22
One mother shares how her feelings of helplessness and isolation lead her to help others.
One of the hardest jobs a person can have is to raise a child. Being a parent is a task that involves a mix of emotions, gut feelings, constant worry, and a whole lot of love sprinkled on top. A parent wants nothing more than to protect their children and instill them with the skills and knowledge they need to live a happy life. This already seemingly impossible task of parenting is made even more difficult when one of your children is diagnosed with mental health or emotional difficulty. This was the situation Ruth Fox, a Pennsylvania mother, found herself in when she was raising a family of her own.
Before Fox was the CEO of a multimillion-dollar nonprofit organization she was a single mother struggling to stay afloat. At the age of 16, she had her first child. Teenage pregnancy has the potential to hold back a mother for the rest of her life, but Ruth did not let this happen. She worked to earn the title of Licensed Practical Nurse and met a man who would soon become her husband. The couple got married and had three children despite the fact that their relationship was biracial and caused double-takes when out in public. Ruth had never been the kind of woman who cared what others thought, and she continued to work on giving her children a happy childhood.
Sadly, in 1997 Ruth's husband passed away when his youngest daughter was at the impressionable age of 8 years old. Her daughter spiraled into a deep depression after her father’s death. She was unable to leave the house and was eventually diagnosed with Agoraphobia, which is the fear of leaving one’s home. When recounting these times Ruth said; “most families and parents I work with tell me about how their children lash out at them and misbehave, but with my daughter it was just utter sadness. She cried from the minute she woke up until the minute she went to bed, and most days so did I.”
Money is generally of concern for most young families especially, single-parent households. However, Ruth has a strong drive to help people and she found herself naturally drawn to people with mental health challenges. She shifted her career path from being a nurse to working with her church as an advocate for the homeless population in her area. This was a massive pay cut but, to Ruth what she gained was worth every penny lost. She was with her church for ten years and while she loved her time there she found it isolating at the same time. The church that she worked in looked at mental illness as an “evil force that could be prayed away.” According to Ruth; “I prayed. Every single night I prayed, and it didn’t get better. We needed something different than divine intervention.”
Ruth's daughter stayed in the house from the time she was 8 years old until she turned 21. Ruth, to this day, is saddened by the fact that her daughter “missed out” on her teenage years but is so proud of the woman she has become. With truancy fines growing at a rapid pace she knew she had to act. Ruth took her to a treatment facility where her daughter stayed for a long period of time. She was a very sensitive child and it took several tries for her to find a therapist she was able to fully trust, but once they did he was a lifesaver for both of them.
In the 21st year of her young life Ruth's daughter was able to overcome her agoraphobia. She followed in her mother’s footsteps and entered the mental health field herself. After a brief setback she is currently raising two children of her own and is working in her community to help others, just like her mother. Ruth is amazed by how strong her daughter has been and how far she has come, but she says, as a mother, she can still see the internal struggle she goes through and keeps a close eye on her child regardless of how old she gets.
Even when things with her daughter finally started to stabilize, Ruth couldn’t help but notice the lack of help she received. When Ruth was in the thick of raising a child with a mental difficulty there was no such thing as Google. She was not able to look down at her phone and access pages and pages of resources and support. Ruth was not sure of her rights when it came to things like truancy or insurance benefits, and she didn’t even know how to access this information. When asked what advice she would give a parent going through a similar situation she said, “utilize the resources available to you.” Ruth doesn’t want parents to listen to the stigma that surrounds mental health. While it is better than it was when was raising her daughter, it is still there. Parents today have so many resources at their fingertips, and Ruth's best advice is to ask for help and use it.
