When it comes to mental health, kids often feel unsure how to express their needs. Andy, a parent and peer specialist, has lived with mental health challenges since the age of six. Now, as a parent, he’s dedicated to sharing lessons from his journey to help others.
Through his experiences, Andy has seen how small changes in how parents listen, respond, and support their kids can make a big difference. Here’s what your kids might wish you knew about supporting their mental health.
Creating a Safe Place
1
Ask Questions Without Judgment
Instead of assuming you know why they’re upset or acting out, take the time to ask. Andy reflects, “When I was a kid, I wish my parents had just asked me, ‘What’s happening?’ That simple question could’ve opened the door to so much of what I was keeping to myself.”
2
Gather details and create a report
Reassure your child that they can share anything with you, no matter how big or small. Andy recalls, “My parents told me not to talk about what I was going through—not even with my siblings. That made me feel like something was wrong with me. Kids need to know it’s okay to talk.”
3
It’s Not About Attention
Avoid labeling behaviors as “attention-seeking.” As Andy puts it, “Who doesn’t want attention? It’s human to feel that. Instead of focusing on whether your child wants attention, think about how you can give them the attention they are looking for from you.”
4
Be Open About Your Own Feelings
Show your child it’s okay to talk about feelings, even when they’re confusing, or you don’t quite know how to describe it. Andy shares, “I tell my kids, ‘This might not even make sense, but this is how I’m feeling right now.’ That kind of openness can teach them that it’s okay to be vulnerable and ask for help even if you don’t know how to explain what you’re feeling properly.”
Empowering Your Child to Navigate Their Mental Health
5
Celebrate Their Strengths
Point out the things they’re doing well. Use positive reinforcement—three compliments for every requirement you have of them—to help them feel valued and appreciated. Andy advises, “Make sure your kids know the things you are seeing that they are doing well. Then hey, that is great and this needs to get better over here. List it out—what are they doing that you see and notice. Three compliments to one requirement.”
6
Help Them Advocate for Themselves
Teach your child how to express their needs, especially when it comes to things like therapy or medication. “If they don’t like their therapist, don’t force it,” Andy says. “Help them find someone they connect with. That’s a skill they’ll use their whole life. You don’t have to just accept what you are given.”
7
Break Big Problems into Smaller Steps
Help your child separate challenges instead of lumping everything together. Andy explains, “Too many times in life, and kids do this the most, we lump everything together. We have a bad day and list 7 things that went wrong, but in our mind, that’s one thing. No, that’s 7 different things that happened. Learn to separate things that are not connected. It’s so much easier to break things down. If you see 7 as 1, you won’t solve them all, and then you won’t think you solved anything.”
8
Learn Together
Take the time to learn about mental health with your child. Andy reflects, “That’s the number one thing I wish my parents did. I wish they had just sat down next to me and said, ‘Let’s figure this out together.’ That would’ve meant the world to me. I didn’t need them to have all the answers, it would have made such a difference for me if I could have sat there and learned alongside them, so I knew we had the same info about what was going on.”
Helping Your Child Build Their Tool Box
Just like fixing something around the house requires the right tools, navigating mental health challenges takes practice and support. By teaching self-advocacy, breaking problems into smaller steps, and learning alongside your child, you’re helping them build a set of skills they can rely on for life. The goal isn’t to solve everything for them—it’s to make sure they have the right tools to face challenges with confidence.
Helping Your Child Feel Seen, Heard, and Valued
11
Make Them Feel Seen, Not Just Helped
Support is powerful—but feeling truly seen is what helps kids believe they matter. Take moments to say things like, “I’m proud of who you are,” or “I love the way you think about things.”
Let them know you notice their effort, not just their outcomes.
Andy says, “I didn’t always need solutions. I needed to know my parents liked me. Not just what I did or how I behaved—but me. That made all the difference.”
12
Focus on Their Needs, Not Their Age
Avoid thinking, “They’re 17; they should know better.” Andy emphasizes, “Your child’s age doesn’t matter—what matters is where they’re at. Support their mental health forever. My father was in hospice making sure that I was okay. That is being a parent – it is a lifelong gig, and we knew that when we had them.”
13
It’s Okay Not to Have All the Answers
Your child doesn’t expect you to know everything. What they need most is for you to listen, learn, and remind them that you’re in this together. Andy says, “Just sit with them and be there. That’s enough.”
Balancing Support and Independence
9
Ensure your child’s emotional well-being
Be there for your child without taking over absolutely everything for them. Help them develop responsibility gradually while offering the safety net they need. Andy advises, “My mom wanted to relieve me from any other stress in the world for me other than my mental health. She spoiled me, and I had absolutely no accountability ever. I wasn’t expected to do anything. I would advise against this, find the balance of being there for them and teaching them life lessons.”
10
Tell them why you’re asking them to do things
You are not asking your child to do things for no reason. You are setting them up for the requirements of being a part of society. Tell them that. “I told my own kids; listen I am not just telling you to do things because I like the sound of my voice. Life will require you to stay on top of these things and if you learn how to do them here, I can help you figure it out. It is so important to teach kids that their actions matter and that they can take ownership of their lives.”
You don’t have to navigate this alone!
Andy’s story reminds us that supporting your child’s mental health doesn’t require perfection—just presence, patience, and a willingness to listen. While conversations around mental health have improved, stigma still lingers. That’s why modeling vulnerability and normalizing these discussions at home is so important. Kids need to know they’re not alone.
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